5 Important Things to Remember When You're in a Relationship with Someone Who Has Anxiety

As someone who has struggled with anxiety, I thought I'd share with you guys important things to remember when dating or possibly planning to date someone who is struggling with anxiety too. The majority of the stuff here is based on my own feelings or experiences.

1. Researching about anxiety in order to understand your partner is thoughtful and great but always remember that your partner knows their anxiety better.

To people who haven't experienced anxiety before, it may seem like a normal human expression and people often throw the word around carelessly and lightly. But in truth, it's really overbearing and it's a consuming emotion wherein it can greatly affect someone's actions and interactions with people. Also, people tend to forget that there is more than one type of anxiety. So if you know what type of anxiety your partner is going through, it would help you be aware if you did some research.

While researching can be of great help, don't overwhelm your partner by starting to act like the "expert" of anxiety. Everybody is different. Each person has their own unique experiences of anxiety and most of it will not be in the books or websites you have researched. Being there for them, listening, and paying attention to what triggers them will mean the world. The little things go a long way.

2. Be patient. But don't neglect yourself.

It's not their fault that they have anxiety. Please keep in mind that they do not want their anxiety to manifest in their actions and how they interact with you. In other words, it's out of their control. Don't take it personally when they're having a really bad day.

Loving someone with anxiety can sometimes be challenging. That is why it's also very important to keep your own mental health in check. Don't pour all of your care and love to your partner too much that you don't have any left for yourself. Yes, your partner needs support, but please also remember, don't lose yourself in finding them. Know that you can't "fix" them. And that is okay. They know that. Sometimes being there on their dark days is enough. Don't neglect self-care and self-love.

3. Do not try to recommend drugs to manage your partner's anxiety.

I kid you not when I say that there are lots of people asking me what drugs are best to manage anxiety in the hopes of buying them at the local pharmacy store. As a registered pharmacist, I'm strongly advising you guys, please, please, PLEASE, do NOT self-prescribe meds to your partners to manage their anxiety. I have heard enough stories about people hearing from their friends on how their anxiety medications are working for them so they would want to try them out too. For the love of all things good, prescription medicines are not restaurants that you can just recommend to a friend. There are lots of medicines out there and the prescribed medicine for that person may work for them but it may not work for you. That is why it was prescribed for them and not you (Get my point?).

There is absolutely no shame in seeking professional help. Instead of trying to get anxiety meds that were recommended to you by your friend, why don't you just encourage your partner to seek someone that is a professional so that the healthcare professional will be the one to tell your partner whether he/she needs to be on medications. Do not try to play psychiatrist and prescribe meds to your girl/guy. (You won't get one without a prescription anyway.)

4. The little things go a long way. You don't always need to go over the top to show your support or care for your partner. Most of the time, listening attentively is enough. They know you don't have the answers to everything. They know you can't fix it. They just want to know you're there for them and that you're interested in what they have to say. It's also important to 'read the room' if your partner wants space, give it to them. If they want a hug, go for it.

Taking their feelings seriously is also a little thing that goes a long way. Do not invalidate their anxiety by making them feel like they're just seeking attention or using it as an excuse. Frankly, that's just insulting. Anxiety is serious and it can be incredibly crippling and for you to just dismiss it or downplay it can seriously hurt your partner.

Please also take note, saying 'calm down' over and over again does not help some people. Personally, I hate it when people say that to me. It's annoying AF. I mean, HELLO, of course, I WANT to calm down. I just can't! I repeat, WE CAN'T CONTROL IT. If I could just magically turn off my anxiety that would be great!

Anyway, to sum it up, like I said, just being there for them is enough. Most of the time, just be with your partner, cuddle with them when you know they're having a bad day. Be their safe place when they think that they have nowhere to run to.

5. It's not always bad times.

Believe me when I say that when dating a person with anxiety is not always bad days. Yes, we want our partners to acknowledge our anxiety but that doesn't mean you have to walk on eggshells around us all the time. It's like every other relationship, it has its ups and downs. Know the lyrics 'If you can't take me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best'? That's because sometimes the most precious treasures are hidden deep beneath the earth.

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Lots of love,

Anne 💕